“She’s like Wendy in ‘Peter Pan’, she’s wearing a big silly nightie and a dressing gown and slippers. She returns to her childhood, on the night before her wedding, the night she’s supposed to grow up. She’s flown off with Peter Pan to have an amazing, mad adventure on a fairytale ship.”
-Steven Moffat
- Tobias is not real
- Finnick is not real
- And all the others fictional characters … THEY’RE NOT REAL !
I was born as a very active and a playfully stubborn child, they describe me. but as i grow up, i became very low on social life. i only chose friends, who’d really fit me. call me choosy, but i was careful of choosing. they say that i’m their bestfriend but i never treated them that way, they’re not my bestfriend. rude? yes i am. but i treat them as a very important friend. :) i thought all people who call me as their bestfriends were corny. i mean you have to like compliment each other, tell everything to each other, hang out, defend each other — well i’d agree if someone will do all this for me and expect nothing in return. >:) Anyways, my life as a 13-year old started good, a bit mature, but not that mature!! but yeah, at age 13 started my thoughts about the negative consequences. and by now my rainbow positive side is probably all dusty and dirty, and my lazy brain tells me to clean it ‘next time’. see, the pessimism starts here. i know, i know, that everything you do has its consequence, like for example; i said a very insulting word to my friend (but i really did not know it would affront her) i tend to think that she would never forgive me and instead snob me, or how i change my profile picture in facebook, i get insecurities that maybe many people may judge me by how i look, i must admit that i am plain, okay. i just dont want to be criticized. SEE!!! thats how i casually think.. it sucks to be me.
Just happened recently, a viral trend circulated the whole country and of course, i had to give out my opinion publicly. then i saw my friend’s post about the ‘trend’ and also gave out her opinion so i did likewise, i commented on her post saying that i oppose the one who took the video and stuff, and something like that, but i did say in the end that i agreed to her opinion. and it took me a hard time to think if i was gonna post it or not, so here enters cynicsm.. i thought that maybe “what if most people didnt like my opinion? what if they comment something bad?” (and also the worst thing in me is when i give my opinion i expect that someone would actually agree to it and like it as well. and its really something not to think of.) but i decided to try and post it. then i asked my friend about my opinion, and to my surprise she did not like it, and even called it crap. :| that is why i dont like busting out my opinions in public (by public, many of my friends can see. it’s only in tumblr that few of my friends can see all my ‘crappy’ opinions). i was totally humiliated because, of course many people saw it and i was also mad because i shouldnt have posted it. all of what i had done that night was regrets.. and up until now, i’m completely depressed about my situation, loosing confidence is harder than i thought, and i dont want to be like this forever.
praying works, ive tried. God is still here to guide me, but i want a new i mindset, i dont want to feel the the world revolves around me, even just a day, a day that my confidence level is perfectly 100% not only in school but of course my church.
and yeah, you probably didnt get all this because its like so rumpled, but try to get it, you may have experienced what i am experiencing right know. oa right. thats me.
It’s not nice seeing people being bullied right? They say that bullies are just people who lack attention, who wants attention. They try to be all silly and all just to have cliques or so, but they care about themselves, but what about their victims?
It’s sad to say that I was once a bully and a victim of a bullying. See, it started when I was grade three. I was too sensitive that every bad thing they do to me I weep, I was a coward, my classmates kept on tapping my head and called me silly names. They even took my jacket and letting me fetch it to some high place I can’t reach. Laughed at me, joked about me and even bullied me physically. Then I decided to put a stop to it. I was about grade 5, where I absent-mindedly became boastful and insensitive. I did all what they did to me back then. I never believed in “past is past” I believed in vengeance. I did it to my nerdy classmate named Christian. He was a good boy, a follower a good leader, a smart one too, but he didn’t know how to answer whenever I make fun of him in front of everybody. I’m not the only one who bullies him, everyone does. There is something wrong with his mind, he was desolated by his mother. He told me that she went to the States when he was just a newborn baby and never came back to them again. He was left with his dad and never felt a good mother’s love. I mean how do they celebrate mothers day? I felt bad for him, really. It’s just now that I realized it. I shouldn’t have done that all those times I pulled his chair whenever he sits, or when I mock his voice, when I make fun of him, when I made him our laughing stock I thought, what if that happened to me, what if I lose my mom? Will that be okay? It’s just so sad. I remember everytime I made fun of him he just answers me back with his laugh. A sad laugh perhaps.
Right now I’m currently a sophomore who again a victim of bullying but this time, verbally. I’m a new student in some normal high school people go to.. But of course what is a school without bullies? They insult my skin tone because I’m not as white like them, they say that I’m ugly and they insult me a lot, and quite frankly I do not know how to respond. I’m speechless, maybe this is what Christian had felt?
See what you do is what you get. Lesson learned, but how do I defend myself? The same question I ask myself. I don’t want to be bullied anymore. I’d rather be ignored than being bullied and I hate being embarrassed, I hate to be pushed around trying to make me their slave. I want a peaceful and happy relationship with my friends/classmates. I even ask God, why’d he put me in that school. But everything He does have a good purpose, but what was it? Anyways. Exactly just this week I’ve been trying to plot vengeance once again, so I defend myself by answering them back like insult them back in my most wittiest answers. I don’t know if it’s right but I don’t want to be abused (lol, too much?). But this just happened today, my classmate recently borrowed my math notebook this dismissal, and at a latter time I saw her with my other friends writing in my math notebook about pathetic things!! I was so grievous! I angrily took my notebook and talked to my other friend about what insults they wrote. I always make my math notebook look clean to get a high grade in notebook. But they ruined it! They were my closest friends. Fine, we may insult each other and forgive without hesitation and just laugh about it, but this time it is serious! I don’t want my math notebook ruined. I may be overreacting but I care a lot for my studies! What they wrote really hit me! So what if I have a tan skin tone (I’m working on it!)! So what if you’re whiter? But don’t freaking put that on the first page of my math notebook! It’s freaking fragile! I was the one who kind-heartedly lent it for studying purposes then they freaking vandalize my property? What would you feel?
Anyways, I wrote this just to let it out, all the badgering, all the turbulent times. But of course I should forgive them, they still count as my friends, as long as they learn a lesson, and apparently me too, maybe I was overreacting a bit?
No matter how pretty you are, how popular you may be, how intelligent you are, still, no one is perfect. I can’t promise that I won’t bully but I can refuse somehow? I hope I can control myself. I hope you too as well, and if you are a victim of bullying defend yourself but not too much, you may be a bully yourself, you might get boastful like me, you might regret it. We are all equal in the eyes of the Lord.
*guys, guys, guys! sorry I’m not really good in grammar. lol. XD
